Heavy rain here. The weather are unstable. flooding everywhere. I don't blame anyone or anything. my activities finally lazing. lazy. so, I'm trying to make a schedule. waw. increasingly heavy rain. scary. back to the beginning. What would I tell you ? I reached 20 years old. a lot of think, I'm confused to express it. although, I'm not a person who cares about the environment around me. I'm not even thinking about what other people say. because most people are selfish, though no doubt I'm selfish too. just disclosed. it is important not important. This might be my introduction to storytelling. I think what I will do tomorrow, day after tomorrow, and so on. I became very confused, in fact I am not good at learning. Really? My current hobby is to spell and pronounce the language jepang. initialy I was more interested because able to master the language. but gradually I became obsessed with it. cherry country. yes that 's called. What is wrong ? yes this could be wrong , could be right.

actually there's no reason for me to tell the story. but, quiet here. so, first think.
everything changed. what's wrong? miss little think, flashback about feeling are so memorable. i remember, previous i wanna be someone that i imagine. now, it.s hard. muzukashi desu ne~ next me, 19yo. ohnoo~ but wait.. here, ya i think i have my own world deep in the mind of others boundaries. take it easy, i always busy with my own world. do anything, read, play, read, play, action. don't need to understand, just writting. regrets are always coming last. bad, am i badperson? someone said goodperson have any goodperson behind them. face it.
if i look in the mirror, i smile, yeah this is me, always keep spirit, thank's You, Allah. just write~
one of the things that I don't like is people who are not open. if sorry, yeah sorry. if guilty, yes guilty. if grateful, so grateful. if grateful, so grateful. yah i think im enough open to everybody but i don't thing to do is, say no like if not like and say like if it likes. not much, maybe somtimes~

Interpret Song 1

Previously, i often listen this song. i remembered it always be played by me when i get tired. yaiy, there's something different after listen it. My feeling was relief. At the high school, everypupils get homework with different doses of each. as the writer, i thing homework is very disturbing. everyday, just thing homework and homework. because of that, eventually, my activity always wake up early days. it's four AM, just listen this song. although i hate homework, but my mind just focus to do the best i am. show me that i can on my own. maybe because the competition, i don't know.

In spite of it, im not the one who easy to issue a comment on someone else but im a thinker. where am i? i listen this song, to live and die by our own rules, yeah we can make it, everybody must have their rules, free. although the fact that you think, you are fool. ah scary, someday, you need someone or somebody to save you. i mean first, you must believe the creator of the universe. it's okay and don't regret.

This song actually for couple but i don't interpret it that way. haha do you know the song that i mean? this is ~ 

SECONDHAND SERENADE LYRICS "Half Alive"

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume

Don't get up, I'll get through on my own

I don't know if I'm home

Or if I lost the way into your room 

I'm spiraling into my doom 

I'm feeling half alive but 

I know one day 

You and I will be free, 

To live and die by our own rules,

Free.. 

Despite the fact that men are fools

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try 

And save me. It's okay that we're dying,

But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

Well excuse me while I get killed softly,

Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you

I'm okay At least 'til yesterday, 

You know you got me off my highest guard, 

Believe me when I say it's hard. 

We'll get through this tonight 

And I know one day you and I will be free 

To live and die by our own rules, 

Free.. 

Despite the fact that men are fools. 

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try 

And save me. 

It's okay that we're dying, 

But I need to survive tonight, tonight. 

And you touch my hand ever so slightly

(Girl we're not ready for this yet) 

And the deadly look she cast upon me 

I won't regret, I won't regret I won't regret. 

I won't regret... 

And I was trying to disappear, 

But you got me wrapped around you 

I can hardly breathe without you 

I was trying to disappear 

But I got lost in your eyes now, 

You brought me down to size now. 

I'm almost alive

And I need you to try and save me. 

It's okay that we're dying But I need to survive tonight, tonight 

Tonight...  

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try 

And save me. 

It's okay that we're dying, 

But I need to survive tonight, tonight. 

I need to survive tonight, tonight

From elementeray school, i always have my own diary, do you know why? because i can't express my desire, i'll make wrong expression. so day by day. i really felt sorry, for i want to say, but i didn't say it. i know it's make me be a dissapointed person. hard to believe to be ourself, i try to make confident. be patient person is my wish but i can't control myself, it sick if you waiting someone, it sick if you didn't get your desire, it sick if you really make somebody happy but you can't do it, it sick if you always hurt yourself for to be pyschopath. it'll be confuse thing. look into myself, there's good side, im healthy, i easily get support from many people. i don't know it's enough or not.. But now, i think i hate everything. it why i always try to finding my wrongdoing, how can i be scary person. my hatred -_-, my eyes can't see clearly, my ears can't listen well, disobedience. i don't care, who's gonna the guilty person? it must to be i am. sure, i am. there's always battle in my mind. it's difficult to solve this problem. me, -- . family, just good. friend, just good. home, desperate. alone? it's my wish but when you know live without comfort it's really really~ _-_ but when you get comfort it always there's breakdown. i took several people who i like for motivation, but not running perfectly. yes, i get happy. the conclution, UNSATISFACTORY. don't mind it, take revenge~

29 desember 2012

selamat pagi, semangat ya kanvas, haha :D seneng banget gue~ sukses dibidang masing2 yah cc: Ulfa Rosliana Putri Ika Isnaini Risviana Diah'luvv Sparkyu'cloudthicka Lightelfshawol Dina Wilda Ihsan

Galleri

Saat umur 13 tahun, tahun ajaran baru naik kekelas 2, gue masuk gerbang sekolah dengan harapan bertemu wajah baru, ketika memasuki kelas posisi duduk tersusun berbentuk letter U, gue duduk dideket pintu masuk, meja belakang. saat itu seseorang dengan wajah akrab mengulurkan tangannya, entahlah itu yang terpikir saat ini. Senyumannya saat itu ga bisa gue lupain sampe sekarang. Sejak saat itu entahlah seminggu gue selalu ngeliat punggungnya dengan rambut spikenya yang basah ketika selesai sholat. Entahlah gue bingung mau nerusinnya, banyak banget gambaran gue tentang lu selama satu tahun. Selanjutnya~ Banyak hal yang ngebuat gue selalu bertanya-tanya, kenapa semua tulisan dalam diari gue gak lupus dari cerita lu, bertanya-tanya bagaimana kehidupan lu sekarang ini? Gue serasa bodoh, kenapa begitu memalukan, diusia gue yang sekarang lapanbelas tahun, gue berusaha sadari bahwa gue bener-bener ngerasa ngebenci semuanya, hati gue mungkin hanya untuk menunggu dan gue gak terima itu. Saat gue nulis ini, gue bener-bener kesel sama diri gue, kenapa bener-bener memalukan, apakah gue manusia saat ini? diliputi rasa bersalah dan juga lelah. Kata-kata ini terbaca lebay, tapi rasanya emang sulit banget buat nelen ludah sendiri, mungkin yah mungkin akan puas jika memecahkan gelas, memberantakan semua properti, bahkan menjedotkan kepala, tapi pikiran yang lain gue berkata apalah gunanya -____- Gue coba berpikir positif, biarkan pikiran ini berlalu dan fokus pada masa depan. Tapi sekelibet dipikiran gue kenapa serasa lu muncul, sungguh mengerikan yah. Ketika dengan kekanak-kanakannya lu berusaha ngehibur gue dengan candaan ciluk baa lu yang gak lucu. Dan pertanyaan gue, apa untungnya gue nge-share ini? semuanya bakal berubah, dan harusnya gue bisa ngubah pola pikir gue saat ini, gue suka dengan perhatian gue pada orang dilingkungan sekitar gue, yak gue suka. Apakah itu kurang CUKUP. Lebih-lebih gue berpikir dan pikiran gue cuma menjerumuskan gue kejurang itu. Keyakinan gue harusnya cuma satu. Yah Sang Pencipta, terimakasih atas semua nikmat yang Kau berikan. Yang terpikir saat ini, ini sungguh sebuah kekrisisan yang bener-bener gamau gue ceritain dan gue bahas. Ketika seseorang dalam hidup kita menghilang, kita hanya dapat menunggu dan berharap bahwa yang hilang akan kembali. Akan tetapi, sampai kapan kita akan menunggu? pada akhirnya, kita hanya ingin kepastian bahwa yang hilang memang tidak akan kembali. Kehidupan itu berputar, sama halnya dengan waktu yang terus berjalan, semoga gue gak menyesel dengan apa yang gue alami ini.